Wife or Kid
by jmonsterx
Summary: Osamu has kidnapped Lum and Ataru's kid, and he says if they want the baby back Lum must once again be his slave. Finally updated
1. Annoying

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura.

Wife or Kid

Chapter 1 Annoying

**Lum and Ataru were quietly resting in bed when, "WAH!" Kohana was crying. "*GROAN* Oh GOD!" Ataru said. "What does she want?" Lum asked. Ataru sniffed the air, "OH MY GOD! THAT IS THE MOST HORRIBLE SMELL EVER!" Ataru shouted. "Guessing he needs a change right?" Lum asked. "I'll get the diapers from the kitchen (By the way their living on there own.)." Ataru said. "*Groan* I didn't work this much even as a slave." Lum complained. "Could be worse." Ataru said "You could be by your self being Osamu's slave again."**

**The two finally got the diaper on. The baby was still crying. "IF I WAS A CHRISTAIN I WOULD SAY JESUS CHRIST!" Ataru yelled. "Well either way your Buddhist and I guess the babies hungry." Lum said. Ataru then got some baby food.**

**5 hours later…**

**"RING" the phone rung. "Hello, Moroboshi residence." Ataru said as he picked up the phone. "Moroboshi sup, wanna come over man I need someone to hang out with." Mendou said. "Sure" Ataru said as he hung up the phone and saying good bye. "Lum you care to go to Mendou's house today?" Ataru asked. "Sure Darling but we first need a baby sitter." Lum said. "I have an idea." Ataru said.**

**"Hey Shinobu can I ask a favor." Ataru asked. "Sure what'cha need?" Shinobu asked. "Well can you baby sit for me." Ataru asked. "Sure." Shinobu said as she hung up. "Problem solved" Ataru said to Lum. "Well then, I guess we're going to Mendou's house." Lum said**

Authors Note: So Shinobu's gonna be a babysitter. What will happen, find out next time "Wife or Kid".


	2. The kidnapping

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura.

Wife or Kid

Chapter 2 The Kidnapping

**Ataru and Lum had just dropped off Kohana at Shinobu's house. They then went to Mendou's house. "I wonder what Mendou wants us for." Ataru asked Lum shrugged.**

**Back at the edge of the solar system…**

**"Sir Earth is in our site." One of Osamu's servants said. "Good, I have a fool proof to get slave back." Osamu said as they headed toward Earth.**

**"Moroboshi! What's up?" Mendou asked. "Not much, man." Ataru replied. "So you guys want some drinks?" Mendou asked. "Yes" Ataru and Lum replied. Before Mendou could even walk out of the room the ground started rumbling. "What the" The three said as they ran outside. In the sky a planet Cro ship was in the air and what seemed like a box falling toward them. As the box hit the ground Mendou opened it "Huh a tape?" Ataru asked. "Hey that house is heading for Shinobu's house!" Lum said. "Oh no" Ataru said. Right then a tractor beam went off toward the distance. "Oh god. That's Kohana!" Ataru said as his daughter was being kidnapped. "Well maybe this tape might help." Mendou said as he held up the tape.**

**Mendou had put the tape in a video player. "HA! Ataru, sla-uh I mean 'Lum'" Osamu started "You two probably know about my plan, but I have your daughter and if you wanna set her free you must give me Lum back as a slave." Osamu said as the TV turned off. "Well Lum, you ever wonder what its like to save someone from Osamu?" Ataru asked "Well your about to find out.**

Authors note: Wow Osamu has got Kohana but Lum and Ataru will find help from a certain dark person.


	3. Darkness is gonna help?

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and own Urusei Yatsura.

Wife or Kid

Chapter 3 Darkness is gonna help?

**Ataru and Lum had just token off from Earth. "You said you have a plan Darling?" Lum asked. "Yep" Ataru said as they toward the moon. "Uh Darling we're getting to close to the moon." Lum said. Ataru continued to make the ship go toward the moon. "Uh Darling what are doing." Lum asked. Right then Ataru pressed the warp button toward the moon. "DARLING WE'RE GOING TO CRASH!" Lum yelled. Then 30 seconds of screaming and panicking later they splashed through a bunch of water.**

**"Master Rupa someone has just came through the airport!" a short little guard said. "Who are they?" Rupa asked. "Sir they're from the world of light." Reported the servant. "Oh god" Rupa said.**

**"Hey Rupa what's up?" Ataru asked. "What do you want." Rupa. "Well we need your help." Ataru said. "Oh god" Rupa said tiredly**

**Back at planet Cro**

**"Now with this baby, Lum will definitely be my slave. When they come I will kill Ataru and keep the baby and raise it to be my slave also!" Osamu laughed manically. Then all of the sudden Lum's ship landed in the front of the palace.**

**Ataru and Lum exited the ship and Lum had her hands up with a chain on her neck. "We give up, give Darling the baby." Lum said. "Wow, that was easy." Osamu said.**

Authors Note: Well you know when you're beat. Ataru and Lum know that. But their not beat. All part of the plan.


	4. Wait this is real

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura.

Wife or Kid

Chapter 4 Wait is this real

Lum stood there with her hands up, a chain on her neck and Oni tape. "Give Darling the baby master." "First you come here slave." Lum did so. As soon as Lum got over to Osamu, a cage dropped from the roof onto Ataru. "AH! What is this!" Ataru asked. "You really thought I would give you this kid? You're more foolish than I thought. I'll just shoot you, keep this kid and your wife and keep both as slaves." Osamu said. "Well maybe you won't hurt Darling" Lum said as she flew from the ship with a gun at hand. "Wait, but how?" Osamu started. "Let's just say it involved a copy mushroom from an old friend." Lum said remembering how Rupa's grandfather used a copy mushroom on her. "Now let Darling and Kohana go." Lum ordered. "Or maybe…" Osamu said as a guard came and pointed a gun toward Lum. "You both could give up." "Lum lowered to the ground. "You sent a man to try this." Lum asked. She then kicked him in the balls and quickly flew toward Osamu. "DON'T OR I'LL SHOOT!" Osamu said as he pointed the gun at Kohana. Lum then stopped. "I'll let your 'Darling' and baby go, just get over here and get this tape and chain on." Osamu said. Lum knew if she did, she would be his slave for the third time. "Ten seconds to decide" Osamu said as he had his gun trained on Kohana. Lum thought and thought. "ok" Lum said very quietly. "Good, now come here. You're mine again and Ataru better not come back. Tell him to not come back." Osamu ordered. "Darling don't come back." Lum said. "Good" Osamu said "Ataru and your kid" Osamu started. "Her name is Kohana." Lum said. "Ok, Ataru and Kohana will be returned to Earth ASAP." Osamu said.

Osamu kept his word and Ataru and Kohana were returned to Earth. "Finally their gone" Osamu started. "Now to business" Osamu then started reaching for Lum.

Authors Note: I'll give the one that guess's what Osamu's about to do to Lum a cookie. I was gonna make this a very short fanfic but I then got an idea. It will make a lot of people happy for a surprise hero.


	5. New Plan

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura.

Wife or Kid

Chapter 5 New Plan

**Ataru was on the ship on the way to Earth with Kohana and the Lum clone that Osamu let him keep. "How could I let this happen? My plan was fool proof." Ataru was really upset. He had just lost his wife as a slave again. Ataru though had swore never to return to Cro again.**

**Later on Earth…**

**"Moroboshi, did you rescue Lum finally once and for all." Mendou asked. Ataru shook his head. "Then go back and save her." Mendou demanded. "I can't." Ataru said "He has made me swear never to go back, or he'll kill her on the spot." "Oh" "But I still have this clone, not sure what to do with it." "Oh wait! I have an idea. Lum has something in her UFO that can make you go to the past right?" Mendou asked "Yeah" Ataru said "Oh"**

Authors note: FINALLY UPDATED! I'm really sorry this took forever. Also sorry for it being really short, just wanted everyone to know i'm alive. But for all still reading, please review or I will not continue making these.


	6. Life sucks

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura.

Wife or Kid

Chapter 6 One life ends a new begins

**It has been 2 years since Lum was enslaved. Ataru had kept his promise to not go back to Cro ever again. He sobbed every night thinking of his enslaved wife. Kohana was now two and was starting to speak. Ataru had finally decided a profession one year ago, professional wrestler. He had joined the WWF to take out his anger on everything that has happened to him. He went under the name of Hannibal, a masked Japanese wrestler. He had been pretty famous around the world around for the tag race so Vince (owner of the company in case you didn't know) gave him an immediate push making his first match for the intercontinental championship. Then later he lost the belt and two months later became WWF Champion.**

**And to the present…**

**Look into my eyes, what do you see?**  
><strong>Cult of personality<strong>  
><strong>I know your anger, I know your dreams<strong>  
><strong>I've been everything you want to be<strong>  
><strong>I'm the cult of personality<strong>  
><strong>like Mussolini and Kennedy<strong>

**"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the WWF champion Hannibal!"**

**Neon lights, a nobel prize**  
><strong>The mirror speaks, the reflection lies<strong>  
><strong>You don't have to follow me<strong>  
><strong>Only you can set me free<strong>  
><strong>I sell the things you need to be<strong>  
><strong>I'm the smiling face on your t.v.<strong>  
><strong>I'm the cult of personality<strong>  
><strong>I exploit you still you love me<strong>

**I tell you one and one makes three**  
><strong>I'm the cult of personality<strong>  
><strong>Like Joseph Stalin and Gandi<strong>  
><strong>I'm the cult of personality<strong>  
><strong>Cult of personality<strong>  
><strong>Cult of personality<strong>

**"Well ladies and Gentlemen I've only been here a half a year and…**

**We walk alone**  
><strong>In the unknown<strong>  
><strong>We live to win another victory<strong>  
><strong>We are the young<strong>  
><strong>Dying sons<strong>  
><strong>We live to change the face of history so be afraid<strong>  
><strong>It's the price we pay<strong>  
><strong>The only easy day was yesterday<strong>  
><strong>So hear our voice,<strong>  
><strong>We have a choice,<strong>  
><strong>It's time to face it<strong>

**Ataru's face was in horror when he saw who came out. It was Osamu with Lum's chain in his hand.**

**We are one**  
><strong>We are one<strong>  
><strong>We are one<strong>  
><strong>We will stand together<strong>  
><strong>Number one<strong>  
><strong>Number one<strong>  
><strong>The chosen ones<strong>  
><strong>We are one<strong>  
><strong>We are one<strong>  
><strong>we will fight forever<strong>  
><strong>we are one and we won't die young<strong>

**"Whoa man you look like you've seen a ghost." Osamu said "But anyway I was watching you win that title and said 'Hey! My goal is to make his life suck and be meaningless.' So I'm gonna challenge you for that belt and if you win…" Osamu threw Lum to the ground and put his boot on her back and pull on her chain with mighty force to provoke Ataru. "You get this thing back." But as Osamu said that Ataru was already out of the ring and started chasing Osamu. He chased him all around the back. When Ataru finally went to the parking lot, he wasn't there. When Ataru started to walk back inside he was jumped by Osamu. He started beating on him and then through him into a car wind shield (This is Ataru's car). "Take that as a yes, see you at summerslam champ."**

**"Well ladies and gentlemen there you have our summerslam main event. Well anyway for our later match…"**

Author's Note: I'm back. You all thought I was dead. Well you were wrong. Here is this chapter. THX for reading this long anticipated chapter from my loving fans. (Chirp, Chirp, Chirp) Oh haha.


	7. Monday Night RAW

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura, also I don't own WWE

Wife or Kid

Chapter 7 Monday Night RAW

The old Monday night raw intro went on as Monday night raw began. "Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Monday night raw, I'm Gorilla Monsoon along with my broadcast partner Bobby "the brain" Heenan." Said the lead announcer from the classic RAW commentary. "Monsoon I tell you what this newly born rivalry between Hannibal and that one guy who came out last week is looking hot after only a week." Said Bobby Heenan. "Well either way a match between Hannibal and an opponent of that guys choosing will go against each other in a ladder match, and the winner gets to choose the stipulation to the match at summerslam.

Later in the back…

Ataru was warming up in the locker room when Osamu walked in the door with Lum's chain in his hand. "Hello, champ I was just coming in to say good luck to you." Osamu said. Ataru scowled at him. " I'm giving this luck to you because tonight, you're wrestling yokozuna. But since I'm so nice I'll let Lum stay with you til your match." Osamu pad locked Lum's chain to a locker. Lum had a tear in her eye, "Darling I missed you so much! Please don't lose at summerslam!" Lum cried. "He's been abusing me so much! He sometimes whips me for no reason, sometimes he makes me even strip for him!" "Lum it'll be okay I'll win at summerslam I guarantee it." Ataru said " When I win my match tonight I have a very special stip. Planned for summerslam.

The main event…

"Ladies and Gentlemen this bout is a ladder match."

Look in my eyes  
>What do you see?<br>The cult of personality

Introducing first from Tomobiki Japan, weighing in at 234 lbs Hannibal!

I know your anger, I know your dreams  
>I've been everything you want to be<br>Oh, I'm the cult of personality

Like Mussolini and Kennedy  
>I'm the cult of personality<br>The cult of personality  
>The cult of personality<p>

Neon lights, a Nobel prize  
>When a mirror speaks, the reflection lies<p>

Ataru's music faded out as yokozuna's music hit

And his opponent from Tokyo Japan weighing in at 456 lbs Yokozuna

"Ring!" Ataru immediately got out of the ring. Yoko ran after him. Ataru stopped and armed dragged him and feels his arm for any dislocation. Ataru got the ladder and threw it in the ring. He quickly set up the ladder and started climbing. Yoko quickly entered the ring to stop Ataru. He dragged Ataru off the ladder and picked him up and body slammed him. Yoko climbed the ladder. "Holy Hell! How is Yokozuna not breaking that ladder!" Bobby Heenan yelled into his headset. Yoko climbed until he got to the top, he then started reaching for the briefcase suspended 20 ft over the ring. Ataru quickly got up and pushed the ladder over. Yoko fell to the campus and actually fell through the ring. Ataru quickly set the ladder back up and climbed it.

We walk alone  
>In the unknown<p>

Osamu then ran out and grabbed Ataru off the ladder and threw him out of the ring, Osamu then grabbed the briefcase and jumped down the ladder and handed the briefcase to Yokozuna. "Ring!" "Here is your winner Yokozuna!" Osamu then grabbed a microphone "Ladies and gentlemen, I have already decided for the match for Summerslam." He stared at Ataru. "Our passion to win is so great the only to beat us is to kill us. So I have decided we will fight to the death!" Osamu then dropped the microphone. Monday Night RAW just got its first OMG moment.

Authors note: A… A death match? It's about time! Review what you think about the ultimate hardcore match.


	8. The end

I'm not Rumiko Takahashi and I don't own Urusei Yatsura. I'm also not Vince McMahon and don't own WWE

Wife or Kid

Chapter 8 Time to face it

The summerslam fireworks went off as the show was now beginning. "Good evening and welcome to summerslam, Gorilla Monsoon along with my broadcast partner Bobby Heenan" "Oh man our main event is crazy with Hannibal vs. Osamu I believe."

The following contest is a death match for the World Wrestling Federation championship.

Awesome! I came to play  
>There's a price to pay<br>Time for you to get down on your knees and pray

I came to pay  
>Say goodbye to the good old days<br>Their never coming back  
>Watch your future fade<br>I came to play  
>I came to play to get my dues paid<br>I guess you had a dream  
>But it cant be saved<br>I came to play

I'm here to stay  
>Best get out of my way<br>I have come to play

I go inside this light  
>I see new life unfold<br>Each second I burn brighter  
>Your fire is going cold<p>

Then Ataru's music hit

Look in my eyes  
>What do you see?<br>The cult of personality

I know your anger, I know your dreams  
>I've been everything you want to be<br>Oh, I'm the cult of personality

Like Mussolini and Kennedy  
>I'm the cult of personality<br>The cult of personality  
>The cult of personality<p>

Neon lights, a Nobel prize  
>When a mirror speaks, the reflection lies<br>You don't have to follow me  
>Only you can set me free<p>

"Introducing first from planet Cro weighing in at 245 lbs OSAMUUUUU! And his opponent, from Tomobiki Japan weighing in at 239 lbs, he is the WWF champion HAAANNIBAL!" Osamu then grabbed the microphone "Before we start I want someone in my corner

This is not okay  
>For me to feel this way<br>and I don't believe a single word you say

Then Lum came out guided by one of Osamu's guards.

No not this way, not this way okay?

Nothing in this life is free  
>Slave until they bury me<br>I'm blinded, running from it  
>Forever looking for a<br>taste that honey, chase that money,  
>keep on running away<br>till you die  
>You are just a slave!<p>

Working for a wage  
>That barely even pays<br>And I'm losing sleep, every single day

"Ring!" The final match between these two had begun. There were no lock ups Ataru just ran for the back. Osamu chased after him. Ataru made it to the stage until Osamu bulldogged him on the stage he then just stomped Ataru face. He then kicked him in the gut. Then running into the back early. He walked back out with a pistol. Lum then ran up resisting the guard and kicked Osamu in the groin. Osamu then had a high squeaky scream. Lum then was tackled by a guard. Ataru was then getting up and just started beating on Osamu. He then threw him off the stage and grabbed the gun. Ataru then blasted Osamu's arm off. "You jerk! You shot my arm off!" Ataru then shoots his leg off "Now you will never mess with my family again. Have fun in hell." Ataru then blows Osamu's brains out. Osamu…is…dead.

The bell would have rung if every one wasn't in shock. The whole world stopped. Ataru then went to the ring and grabbed a microphone and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I have been honored to be your champion for so long, but now I have my life back, so I am retiring tonight to go home and live a peaceful life. Goodbye." Ataru then Left with Lum by his side. This is where the story ends goodbye.

The End

Authors note: jmonsterx fans out there don't worry I'm not done with my writing yet. I am done with my Urusei Yatsura stuff. Now search in the Zelda section of fanfiction. See you there.


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